divendres, 31 de març del 2017

LOVE ESSAY

Do men and women view love differently? 
To answer that, it is necessary first to demonstrate if the differences between men and women affect love. Because it is scientifically demonstrated that men and women are not identical, genetically talking: their brains are slightly different. For example, as Dr. Ruben Gur says, a neuroscientist from the University of Pennsylvania, the reason why men and women can view love in a different way “is a matter of how we’re built, not what we learn”. So the conception of love changes depending on the gender, not on the society or the school or family environment you have grown up on. About this fact, even though is it said by a scientist, we don’t agree with it. First, we don’t have to believe everything a scientist says just because he or she is a scientist, because we all know science has been wrong about some things in the history of humanity. Like, for example, Newton’s theory, that although it is scientific, nowadays we know that it’s not exactly true. Therefore, we don’t agree with the sentence that men and women view love in a different way because they are built differently. Well, it is true that this fact can affect to the conception of love, we cannot deny it, but we don’t have to forget that the environment you have grown on also affects it. And with environment, we mean society. Directly or indirectly, society makes you behave some way or another depending on the gender. For example, society makes girls be beautiful, delicate and passive, the typical princess waiting for her charming prince;

contrarily, boys have to be brave, strong, but also polite. Or, also, when couples go out to have dinner, men always have to pay, and give flowers to women from time to time. Men have also to be the first ones to ask a woman out. These kind of things are roles that have been there from a long of time ago (fortunately, now are starting to change), and some of them people don’t really notice that they are conventional, and they directly accept them. But, as we just said, they are conventional, they are roles that society has created, but we are able to change them too; and that’s what some people is trying to do now. So, summarizing, we agree that the constitution of men and women are different, and they can affect the way each gender sees love, but our environment also plays an important role in the way we conceive love. 

In addition, talking about other scientific theories that corroborate that men and women see love in a different way because of their genetic constitution, there’s one study that says that men and women also communicate different during times of high emotion; while men are more likely to shut up when the tension is at its maximum, women tend to keep talking, and get mad when the other person stops talking to them. There are also researches which affirm that men are more insensitive and impatient, and more fragile than girls medically and emotionally. This means that boys are more likely to have birth defects and are more easily stressed during their childhood, among other things. Finally, it’s a documented fact that old men are more likely to die after losing his or her partner than women. Therefore, in summary, men are more reactive to emotion than women, so this fact can influence the way men and women love. 

So, with these arguments, it is demonstrated that men and women are slightly different about the way they react to certain situations, which can be related to love. So genetics influence the way man and women love, even though the difference between them is not huge and, obviously, there can be exceptions. We’re not sure if these characteristics really affect the way men and women view love because, as we said, we believe that society has an important role in making the two genders view love differently.


Should boys always ask a girl out or can a girl ask out too?
Is a girl who asks a boy out too daring? Tradition has always told that boys are the ones who have to ask a girl out. That is the romantic way, the way it appears in romantic books, films and in the well-known princesses films, which have a major influence on little kids, especially girls, but also on boys. Nevertheless, it doesn't mean it is the way it has to be done.

The stories we are told since we are little and the society in which we grow up have an important role in our view of the world and its different aspects. In the case of asking out, it's not only the fact that films show that are always boys who ask girls out, but the fact that they, maybe unintentionally, teach girls they should never ask a boy out. There are several consequences, that are usually related with the “what will the people think?”, that can make a girl being afraid of asking a boy out, as Erin Tatum exposes on the article published in the Everyday Feminism Magazine. For instance, girls are taught that asking a boy out makes them take the boy's role in the relationship, causing, on the one hand, making the girls more masculine and, on the other hand, showing the boy as if they were weak. This happens due to the fact that boys are normally supposed to have the lead role in a relationship, getting to the point that if they don't ask the girl out, they are not a “real man”, Erin Tatum says; which shouldn't be like this at all. Yet, as it has been said before, that is society's influence on us. Another teaching given to us is that a girl asking a boy out shows desperation. For many, the fact that a girl asks a boy out means that she can't wait any longer for him to ask her out, and this shows a girl obsessed and desperate. And from our point of view, this is a sexist way to see it, considering that when a boy is chasing after a girl, even when she has told him she doesn't want anything, as Tatum declares, “rather than a sign of creepiness or desperation, this is meant to be perceived as endearing”, while when it is the other way round, it doesn't play out like this. One of the last points the author of the article exposes, is the “unsexiness” of the girl taking an active role. She claims that a girl having agency is seen as someone not sexy and cold-hearted, something in which we don't agree, since many men have admitted being attracted to women who hold the reins of the situation. 

All the same, these consequences shouldn't stop girls from asking boys out or society is never going to change. In fact, one of the reasons for girls to do it is to change the situation and show the world that because one thing has been one way for many years and decades, it doesn't mean we have to live with it and stop fighting to change it. This is exposed on the article posted on the online magazine Elite Daily, written by Alexia LaFata, in which she gives several reasons to encourage girls to ask boys out. These reasons are related both on the good results it can have and on the empowering of the female figure and the woman itself. Some reasons LaFata uses to encourage the girls to do it are, for example, that the boy can be too shy to make the move or that you'll get answers about his feelings towards you instead of keep worrying about it and overanalyzing every situation to get to a conclusion. And also, she points out important aspects, such as making decisions by yourself, which should make you aware of the powerful woman you can be, because, as she says, “taking control of what you want is one of the most powerful things a woman can do”. And, in addition, it will help to make you gain self-confidence and, therefore, be happy with yourself, as well as more independent. 

However, this is not an opinion everyone shares, and there is still people who are much attached to tradition and don't feel like a woman should ask a man out. In the article The Nice Girl's Guide to Asking a Guy Out, published in the online magazine Psychology Today, Jen Kim explains a case of Michele Bachman, a Republican candidate who revealed that she didn't let her daughters ask a boy out. She also exposes the case of a dating expert, Evan Marc Kratz, who claimed that girls shouldn't ask boys out if they don't want to be seen as “desperate or masculine”, and that instead, they should use their traits to make the boys ask them out. We totally disagree with both Bachman and Kratz, because we think girls should be able to ask guys out with the same ease boys can do it, and it shouldn't mean any problem. The article exposes opinions of other people, and it finishes with the author's opinion. She says that before asking a guy out, you should consider your personality and if you will be able to handle a rejection. There are girls who feel safer being asked than asking, so if you are one of these girls, just don't ask a boy out. We agree with this point, although we think it is quite obvious that if you don't feel like asking out, you don't have to do it, but that's not really the topic that was being discussed, and that's why we weren't really pleased with the article.

In conclusion, we agree with and we stand up for girls asking boys out. Of course, it will always depend on the personality of the girl, if she is more extroverted or shy, but we think that if a girl wants to ask out a boy and feels sure about it, she should be able to do it and he shouldn't be seen as “masculine or desperate”. It should be seen the same way as if a boy did it, because even though traditionally it isn't common a girl asking a boy out, nowadays things should are different, and it should be the same for everyone. 

By Paula Caball and Mar Oliva


Bibliography

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